I’m writing this as a warning to all: never, EVER, let your friends talk you into intramural basketball. I made that mistake and paid for it, every Monday at 8pm for 12 weeks.
It started off innocently enough. I had downed 2 glasses of wine and followed it with half a bottle of Midol- you know, my usual Wednesday night. A couple of my girlfriends, who used to play in high school, were hanging out at my place and they started throwing the idea around, like, “let’s join a basketball league”, and “hey, it will be fun". Like a goddamn fool, I agreed to participate.
It wasn’t until 3 weeks later I had realized my mistake. My sister, holding a uniform and a smug smile entered my house, and from then on my life was a living hell. Apparently, in basketball you have to chase balls, bounce balls, throw balls, ALL THE TIME. At that point in my life I was single, and the last balls I’d handled were attached to a Cuban named Diego. What had I done?
Our first game was full of excitement: I got the team pumped about a play I devised…it’s called Roadkill, and when the ball is in play I pass out on the court and pretend I’m unconscious for about 12-18 minutes. My teammates pretend they don’t notice, which results in confusion from the other team. That confusion translates into points- giving us a better chance to win. Not that I cared either way.
I tried to get out of a couple games by telling my teammates that I had AIDS, but they weren’t buying it. And then we didn't make the finals because I called a bomb threat into the recreation center, and my ‘friends’ got really pissed at me. Eventually, the season ended, much to my delight.
I mean, honestly, what was I thinking?
Quarter Life Whatever
4 years ago