Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Gift Basket Prodigy

I have one of those jobs that entails a lot of spreadsheets and data. Yesterday I was complaining to my husband that I have 'a TON of other talents' and that I am 'wasting them' on my current job. I was saying this over my second glass of Chardonnay, and when I'm drinking white wine I get really, really, cocky.
"I just..." I sipped my wine. "I'm just so, so, not appreciated over there, you know?" I waved my hand, wishing I had a cigarette to gesture dramatically with, even though I don't smoke. "I mean, I am talented." I refilled my glass. "I have ideas," I said, forcefully.
"Like what?" My husband was on his 3rd beer and staring off into space.
"Like..." I paused. "Like I make really, really, amazing gift baskets."
"Hmm...." Matt said, and nodded politely.
"It's like, a gift," I said, "no pun intended."

I realize that making incredible gift baskets might not be considered a true 'talent' where most folks come from, but trust me- my gift baskets make people weep. Like, for a baby shower, I'll tuck pink & blue bottles and a trio of hand-knitted booties into a nest of diapers tucked into a cradle-shaped wicker basket. I will tightly wrap the whole thing in cellophane and finish off the top with ribbon embellished with lace- but I won't stop there. The basket will be completed when I spray it with lavender and attach an adorably soft bear to the top of the masterpiece. It's a fucking Picasso. And, like most artists, I knew I would be misunderstood. Which is why my husband seemed confused.

"Aren't there....lots of gift basket companies online....that already do that?"

I snorted. "There aren't gift basket companies with my touch," I complained. "Some people make gift baskets, but I make memories." I didn't think that made much sense, but it sounded good.

Pouting, I went into the kitchen to get my husband another beer- but not before wrapping it in cellophane, of course.


  1. Gift baskets are the best things ever! Well, they're one of the best things ever. I've never given anyone a gift basket, but Merkin's birthday's coming up. I could give her a basket filled with a bunch of goodies, and a few naked pictures of me. Oops, over share!

  2. "Some people make gift baskets, but I make memories." That should be inducted into a hall of fame or something.

  3. I'd buy your beer gift basket memories.

  4. I think I've had this SAME EXACT CONVERSATION with my husband. And probably after a couple glasses of wine. I feel like you're my twin or something.