If I found a genie lamp and was granted just one wish, anything I wanted in the entire world- I would request a three-way with Nick Jonas and Joe Jonas.
Wouldn't that be awesome?! Me, taking the virginity of two out of the four Jonas brothers?! (Yes, there is a fourth Jonas brother, he's like ten and a bit of a porker.) I could be like, "I fucked half the Jonas brothers." People would want to be my friend just because I would be the Girl Who Had A Three-Way With The Jonas Brothers.
I can imagine me in a job interview: "So, what can you tell us about yourself?"
"Well, I had a three-way with Nick and Joe Jonas."
"Oh my...god....oh wow, you are HIRED!"
Now, I wouldn't include Kevin Jonas in this little gang bang because, if I'm honest, he's the least cute of them. No, I just want Nick and Joe, naked in my bed for about 45 minutes. That's all I would need.
There are a few reasons this would be my genie wish- first of all, they annoy me. They annoy me because they are running around with those purity rings on their left hand, saving themselves for marriage, and their songs are too cutsy. They don't drink, they don't snort coke, they don't DO ANYTHING. You know how when you see a juicy, fresh, wholesome crap apple on the sidewalk, fallen from the tree, you just want to step on it? Because that sound, that CRUNCH, is so satisfying, and so is the feeling of the crab apple buckling under your foot? THAT is why I want to have a three-way with the Jonas brothers.
I know that after the three-way, they would be both hungover (because we would have done rum shots out of each others' belly buttons)and probably feel extremely weird (because I made them kiss each other at one point.) But a couple weeks after this repulsive incident, they would feel raw and honest and REAL. Like they had lived- and that is what I'm after.
Some of you might have asked the genie for oh, say, a million dollars, as opposed to a three-way with the Jonas brothers. But I'll just tape the whole event and then blackmail them with it- so I'll get my three-way AND a ton of cash. As Marie Anntoniette said, I'll have my cake and eat it too.
Assuming your cake is a three-way with the Jonas brothers.
Quarter Life Whatever
4 years ago