Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Me & Petey

I think the most challenging part of my job is pretending to care. Every day, I have to go into work and be sociable, enthusiastic, and positive. I simply can’t go up to the president of the company and say, “we’re not preventing genocide in Darfur- chill the fuck out"- even though I think this on a regular basis. Luckily, I'm a phenomenal actress, and my coworkers think that I am a truly appreciative and wonderful employee. I should get an Oscar.

In meetings, I fantasize about living on an island with Orlando Bloom. I drink Pina Coladas all day (yes, this island has a bartender)and have a dolphin for a pet- his name is Petey. Petey lets me ride on his back while he chases waves, and I laugh hysterically when he kisses me on the cheek with his wet dolphin nose. Orlando chases me on the beach as I giggle and the sun beats down on my tan body, and then we fall asleep in the sand, not a care in the world. Then my boss usually asks what my week looks like, and I mumble something about a meeting with finance and a vendor who just "won’t send me the right invoice.” My coworkers all nod in understanding, and I know I’m safe, at least for this week.

I mean, I am a really, really good actress.

3 comments:

  1. You know, THAT is the hardest part about my job too. When kids come up to me and tell me about something that happened at home or the playground, I zone out. Really? I don't give a rat's ass, kid. I'm here for the paycheck........ Where's the cabana boy?

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  2. I can totally relate. Most of the time I am staring at the clock counting the minutes until I can leave.

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  3. thanks for the follow! Your blog is absolutely hilarious...I completely feel this way myself. I liken it to being a barbie doll: change the outfit, change the persona. Professional! Gardener! Boss! Technology services girl!

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