I think the most challenging part of my job is pretending to care. Every day, I have to go into work and be sociable, enthusiastic, and positive. I simply can’t go up to the president of the company and say, “we’re not preventing genocide in Darfur- chill the fuck out"- even though I think this on a regular basis. Luckily, I'm a phenomenal actress, and my coworkers think that I am a truly appreciative and wonderful employee. I should get an Oscar.
In meetings, I fantasize about living on an island with Orlando Bloom. I drink Pina Coladas all day (yes, this island has a bartender)and have a dolphin for a pet- his name is Petey. Petey lets me ride on his back while he chases waves, and I laugh hysterically when he kisses me on the cheek with his wet dolphin nose. Orlando chases me on the beach as I giggle and the sun beats down on my tan body, and then we fall asleep in the sand, not a care in the world. Then my boss usually asks what my week looks like, and I mumble something about a meeting with finance and a vendor who just "won’t send me the right invoice.” My coworkers all nod in understanding, and I know I’m safe, at least for this week.
I mean, I am a really, really good actress.
Quarter Life Whatever
4 years ago