Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Me & Petey

I think the most challenging part of my job is pretending to care. Every day, I have to go into work and be sociable, enthusiastic, and positive. I simply can’t go up to the president of the company and say, “we’re not preventing genocide in Darfur- chill the fuck out"- even though I think this on a regular basis. Luckily, I'm a phenomenal actress, and my coworkers think that I am a truly appreciative and wonderful employee. I should get an Oscar.

In meetings, I fantasize about living on an island with Orlando Bloom. I drink Pina Coladas all day (yes, this island has a bartender)and have a dolphin for a pet- his name is Petey. Petey lets me ride on his back while he chases waves, and I laugh hysterically when he kisses me on the cheek with his wet dolphin nose. Orlando chases me on the beach as I giggle and the sun beats down on my tan body, and then we fall asleep in the sand, not a care in the world. Then my boss usually asks what my week looks like, and I mumble something about a meeting with finance and a vendor who just "won’t send me the right invoice.” My coworkers all nod in understanding, and I know I’m safe, at least for this week.

I mean, I am a really, really good actress.


  1. You know, THAT is the hardest part about my job too. When kids come up to me and tell me about something that happened at home or the playground, I zone out. Really? I don't give a rat's ass, kid. I'm here for the paycheck........ Where's the cabana boy?

  2. I can totally relate. Most of the time I am staring at the clock counting the minutes until I can leave.

  3. thanks for the follow! Your blog is absolutely hilarious...I completely feel this way myself. I liken it to being a barbie doll: change the outfit, change the persona. Professional! Gardener! Boss! Technology services girl!