Thursday, April 15, 2010

Above It

I was at work yesterday, in the break room, chatting about Jennifer Lopez.

"So, her kids, Max and Emme- they look JUST LIKE Marc Anthony. It's like he had sex with himself and gave birth to the kids- like, shot the kids out of his own body, you know?" I sucked down a big swallow of Perrier (because it makes me feel sexy and French) and continued. My audience was four coworkers, all thoughtfully chewing their sandwiches and listening. "You can just tell she is genuinely happy with Marc- I don't know WHAT that thing was with Ben (Affleck), but her and Marc just make sense- I can tell they work- don't ask me how, I just know." I was nodding as I was talking, like J Lo was a personal friend of mine and not some worldwide super star.

One of my coworkers, Samantha, snorted. "Oh, who cares about Jennifer Lopez? I've got other things to worry about."

I smiled thinly.

I think one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think they are 'above' pop culture. I call them the AboveIts- their mantra? Reality television is trash, gossip magazines are garbage, Hollywood blogs for people who have no life. I'll mention how great it is that Angelina and Brad donated something like $10 million dollars to Haiti and they'll roll their eyes and go, "ah, actors." Um, excuse me? Have you donated $10 dollars to Haiti? Probably not.

And Samantha, who has 'other things' to worry about? She's referring to her golden retriever, who keeps puking all over her carpet. I told her not to get a dog, but did she listen to me? No. She's just jealous of J Lo's buttery caramel highlights. I know this because I got her drunk after work on day, and she literally said, "I just love J Lo's buttery caramel highlights."

So I didn't say anything to Samantha, because yeah, she'd probably rather be a gorgeous, rich, and famous superstar as opposed to a computer specialist with a weak-stomached dog. So if taking a knock on J Lo makes her feel better, so be it.

But if she goes after my girl Lady Gaga, we're going to have problems.


  1. There's NO lying... J Lo has AWESOME highlights.

  2. I have got the greatest visual of you sitting in the break room sucking back your perrier and holding forth on JLo and her buttery, caramel highlights, and then weak stomach dog owner weighing in, you looking back, no expression on your face, and mentally making the decision not to go there unless her next comment is about Lady Gaga. You are tremendously mature. Marc Anthony kind of gives me the creeps. Am I really the only one?

  3. I think at least 90% of the people that say they hate reality shows, celeb mags, etc...are lying. Yes, lying.

    And Marc Anthony gives me the creeps too.

  4. Marc Anthony is one eerie looking guy...those poor children.

  5. I used to not care at all about those celebrity gossip thingies, but Merkin watches shows like Entertainment Tonight and E something something, and I can't help but watch them with her. And while I'm at work, she sends me Perez Hilton links throughout the day, and it's not like I could ignore them, you know? That's just rude.

    Oh, and about you moving to Seattle and it being cooler than Denver? Well, it really depends on the kind of person you are. If you're outdoorsy, then you're probably going to hate Seattle in the winter, but for the most part, it's a pretty cool place. There are lots of places to go, and awesome bars and all that other jazz. BUT Denver has Elitch Gardens, and Seattle doesn't, so...yeah.

  6. Don't these people realize that celebrities are some of the most important, special people on the planet. They're so much better than us! How could we NOT be interested in every detail of their lives?

  7. Why is it so hard to admit that reality television is AWESOME?

    Also- I am pretty sure that Marc Anthony is a vampire. But more like Bunnicula than Dracula.

  8. Some thoughts
    Those kids are the spitting image of Marc. They look just like jaunty little scarecrows. And while JLo may have awesome hair, the way her forehead has stopped moving in recent years disturbs me. I literally saw a pic of her in people and thought it was from Madame Tussauds. For reals.

    Also, I don't care what people say, EVERYONE cares about celebrity gossip. It's like masturbation, those who deny are the ones who cant be alone with themselves for more then 5 minutes at a time without rubbing one out/googling Kim Kardashian's 'un-retouched' nude photo shoot.

    And NOBODY better be talking smack about Lady Gaga.

  9. Ha ha, Megs - totally agree on the Bunnicula.
    And LSLW, I feel a little weird about their relationship, the way he follows her around, glowering. It's like he's got her under some weird mind control or something. At least that's what I've come up with in the hours I've spent pondering their relationship. Because it is very very important.
    And, since I work in reality TV, I get particularly irritated when people blather on about how it's destroying society. You know you watch it, late at night with the shades drawn. But you know what's worse? Those people who claim to be above all TV.

  10. Oh, I hear you on that celeb thing. I almost got in to a fight the other day over who would turn into a massive whore first, Hannah Montana or Carly. All the other moms, who were obvious whores, were defending Hannah Montana, but look at their slutty little daughters, mincing around the playground with their hair extensions. They'll all be knocked up before their 15, I know they will.

    Since you're down with JLo, can you tell her to stop giving Marc blowjobs? Really, the man's drained, look at the state of him.

  11. Lucky Punk-maybe he's using the "Glamour" on her:-)

  12. When my weekly US Weekly arrives I literally dance a little jig of joy. Your coworker probably slaps babies, too.

  13. hahaha yes, yes, and yes.

    I love pop culture. I read up on all the americans and then devour as much of the daily mail online as I can to get my brit fix as well :)

  14. Unfortunately, or maybe luckily, I have nothing better to worry about than pop culture.

    Lady Gaga.. I'm still not sold on her, but I don't have anything bad to say either.

  15. Those people blow. Big time. I mean honestly, would it kill you to just for once in your life NOT take yourself so seriously? I love my US Weekly so much and take lots of joy in knowing who wore it best and I wouldn't change it for anything.

  16. They need to get off their high horse and figure out WHAT REALLY MATTERS. It's like if Jessica Alba has another baby and yet no one educates themselves about it then....did it really happen?