Friday, May 28, 2010

Vending Machine Addict

My husband and I are vacationing in Tokyo this week, so writing out this blog means I`m spending roughly 100 yen for just 30 minutes on the hostel computer. 100 yen is something like, $100.00 US dollars and is not something we budgeted for, but I thought, the blog- I must write on the blog.

(100 Yen could also amount to more like one dollar, but either way- you`re welcome.)

Tokyo is everything one could hope for- a loud, stunning, awesome city full of culture and excitement. The food is amazing, the people are wonderful, the sights are spectacular. But the one thing that really stands out to me- are the vending machines.

Japan has something like 2 million vending machines, and they sell everything in them-drinks mostly, but also food, toys, underwear- you name it, you can get it in a vending machine- and they are addicting.

`Look, another vending machine!` I shout excitedly, pointing.
`Hmm...?` My husband was ignoring me and staring at a gaggle of extremely hot Japanese women coming up from the subway, their hair glossy, their legs gleaming under short shirts, high heels clicking against the concrete like a beautiful herd of supermodels. I was guzzling down some type of mango juice I had just purchased from a previous vending machine and looked like hell. Jet-lagged and sweating, sunscreen pouring into my eyes, my jeans sticking to the insides of my legs, shirt stained with deodorant marks and mango juice. My running shoes, which I had chosen to wear for comfort and durability, now looked like a bag of dirty marshmallows I had duct-taped to my feet. I will be genuinely shocked if my husband ever has sex with me again.

`VENDING- machine....right there.` I pointed again. We were lost somewhere between Ryogoku Kokugikan and Asakusa, which is as confusing as it sounds, and I was getting both exhausted and irritable- an ideal formula for an international vacation meltdown.

`I`m going to have a boner for the next week straight,` my husband sighs, looking wistfully at the retreating pack of gorgeous women. He finally looks down at me clutching at his shirt, over-heated and foaming at the mouth. `Haven`t you had like, ten vending machine drinks today?`
`One more, and that`s it,` I said, like a true addict. I would probably go through at least six to seven more. He handed me a pile of coins and I ran to the glittering, brightly lit machine for my fix.

The lowest point came yesterday, when I managed to get my forearm caught in a vending machine door.
`Help....` I grunted, my arm caught in between a cold milk chocolate and the Plexiglas. I withered on the concrete in pain.
`Oh god, they`re going to deport us.` My husband managed to wrestle my arm free of the beast, and finally victorious, I clutched the chocolate milk in my sweaty, blood-soaked hand. `You are DONE with the vending machines,` he said, mad now. `DONE.`

I agreed, sucking down the delicious ice-cold drink with a flourish. I was done.

Until our next trip to Tokyo, of course.

8 comments:

  1. One of my friends spent a few months in Tokyo teaching English and one of the things he talked about was the vending machines. They have iPods, Pez, EVERYTHING in those!

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  2. I always wanted gleaming legs. Don't they have karaoke everywhere, too? Or is that a rumor? Like Oz? I'm not going if there is no karaoke and I have to stare wistfully at beautiful women with gleaming legs I don't have. I don't need a vending machine addiction that badly.

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  3. Wouldn't it be cool if you could rig up your uterus to dispense those super-bouncy rubber balls via your lady bits? Well, until some stranger got her arm stuck in there while grunting on the pavement. Nevermind. Travel safe!

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  4. You keep on representing America over there. Who said we don't have class? And who wants smooth shiny hair and smooth shiny legs, anyway? How pedestrian.

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  5. Is it true that they have USED panty vending machines? A friend of mine is an airline pilot and tried to tell me that was the case, but I keep hoping that it's just a creepy, horrible lie. If it's not, then the Japanese are some weird, pervy people.

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  6. I love vending machines.

    You could get all of your shopping done that way! Everyone gets vending machine panties and pez!

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  7. Tokyo vending machines are amazing! I went a few years ago and especially loved those selling beer.

    @Kate: Yes, you can buy used underwear from some vending machines. And, yes, the Japanese are quite pervy. There are train cars designated as "Women Only" during rush hour so ladies can avoid unwanted groping. They also have some very very wrong anime porn, featuring female characters who barely look like they've hit puberty. It's a strange, wonderful culture. LOL

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  8. Japanese are in front of related to these vending machines and provide all through these vending machines

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