I didn't meet my husband until I was in my thirties, which means my twenties were comprised of dating- lots and lots of dating. I remember the hardest part wasn't meeting men- it was keeping track of them all. When you're single, your life is comprised of two things: getting drunk and hooking up. Which means things get confusing sometimes.
One of my friend's phones rang the other day.
"Oh, god, Mick is calling me," she moaned, staring at the cell phone screen.
"Who's Mick?" I asked.
"Um..." her brow furrows. "I think it's that guy I hooked up with at that bar last night- I don't think I liked him."
"You mean Mike?" I questioned. "And we weren't at a bar last night. We were at a house party."
"His name is Mike? Oh, god- what did I drink last night?!"
I took the cell phone from her and scrolled down her list of guys she meet while drunk and exchanged phone numbers with- Joosn, aadammmm, Rrn, and Mick where all in there. Somebody shouldn't text while drinking.
"I have a date with Max tonight," she said.
"Matt- his name is Matt," I replied.
I have another friend who was making out in her bedroom with a new guy, and he noticed a used condom on her floor. He froze mid-kiss.
"Um....whose is that?"
"Hmm...?" She looked over to where he was pointing at. "Oh- that isn't yours?"
"No." Stony silence.
Apparently, used condoms are like snowflakes- no two are alike. My friend quickly back-pedaled.
"One of my girlfriends- she- spent the night over here- because her place is getting painted- and brought home a guy- I was passed out on the couch- 'cause I was drunk- from- drinking- and-"
"Okay." Apparently he had shrugged and returned to the making out, which means he either didn't care or actually bought it.
I have another girlfriend who is dating three men- all named Brian. So it's Brian Red Shirt (because that's what he was wearing on their first date), Brian With The Weird Friend (because his friend is really, really, odd) and Brian Bad Idea (because he's an asshole).
"Ugh. Brian Red Shirt wants to go out tonight, but I made plans with Brian Bad Idea," my friend complained over the phone to me.
"I thought you were breaking up with Brian Bad Idea," I replied. "Plus, you know my favorite is Brian With The Weird Friend- he's super cute."
"I know, but he has that weird friend," she countered.
My idea? We need some type of website tracking system- like:
Megan's Birthday Party (80s theme)
Computer Programmer, kind of looks like Kevin Spacey, tall-ish, did a really funny impersonation of his mom, has a roommate (yuck).
You two met for drinks four days after Megan's party and he wasn't quite as funny as you remember but did tell you he liked your shirt and paid for the drinks so maybe he gets one more date before pulling the ripcord?
This would solve a bunch of confusion issues and end awkward used-condom encounters. And I could get that guy, the graphic designer with the blondish hair that my friend is dating- to create the website.....damn, what is his name?
Quarter Life Whatever
4 years ago